Friday, August 6, 2010
My sweet Nana died of cancer almost a year ago from this week. She was one of the first people I asked to pray and consider the growth Hormone for CoCo from the beginning. She knew he would get them and had confidence that God was faithful. Let me clarify that Gods faithfulness is constant with or with out Growth Hormones or dying of cancer. God loves me and my family when things are great and all I have needed He has provided but he loves me and is faithful when things do not turn out as I plan also. As Natalie Grant sings " who told us we'd be rescued?, why should we be saved from sorrow...this is how it feels to be held, how it feels when the sacred is torn from our lives and you survive..."
And so I have survived, to miss my Nana and see my Pop change from her loss. I've let dreams of my "perfect" family go and seen new ones form. Today was bitter sweet because with the good news that Coleman is growing, I missed her all over again. Because I felt jipped that she wasn't here to hear my news,selfish I know. I am comforted that maybe she knows CoCo and I are doing great and that her prayers to God were everything to me.
I smiled today in a knowledge that she knew, Nana knew everything would work out. She was always calm when I was panicky or faithful when I was unsure but today my faith in God increases, not because of Coleman growing but because I am growing in Christ.